The Best Tattoos in the NBA

Matthew Roberson | @mroberson22

One of the many great things about the NBA is the relative nakedness of its players, particularly in comparison to other sports. There are no helmets, hats, or facemasks to cover the players faces, which allows incredible access into our favorite players’ personalities, mannerisms, and emotions. It also lets the armchair armada dissect, or more accurately, ridicule every aspect of a player’s physical appearance. From LeBron’s hairline to Andre Drummond’s shoulder hair to Milos Teodosic’s perma-stubble, the NBA offers endless fuel for the nightly online roasts.

Of course, incredibly visible arms, legs, and necks means we as viewers are treated to art shows during every night of the NBA schedule. As Allen Iverson merged basketball and hip-hop culture on a mainstream level in the early 2000s, other players were free to spread their wings and embrace their animalistic nature.

Today, tattoos are as centric to the NBA viewing experience as three pointers or coaches in ill-fitting suits. When following the league closely, it’s impossible not to have some personal favorites, either from an aesthetic standpoint, or a “holy shit this guy actually got that tattooed on his body” standpoint. Spoiler alert: this list is going to feature more of the latter.



Marcin Gortat’s hammer
There are a few things you should know about Marcin Gortat:

1.       He is from Poland
2.      One of the nicknames listed on his Basketball-Reference page is “The Polish Hammer”
3.       He used to have a tattoo of a gremlin on his shoulder
4.       It has since been covered by a massive hammer, smashing the gremlin like this John Wall pass once smashed Gortat

I love every part of this. I love that Gortat is one of just five people born in Poland to ever play in the NBA, and the first since Maciej Lampe, who was taken with the first pick of the second round by the 2003 Knicks. Lampe never played a game for New York, while fellow second-round picks Mo Williams and Kyle Korver became All-Stars, and role players like Luke Walton, Zaza Pachulia, and Matt Bonner all contributed to championship teams. It really is perplexing how the Knicks were so bad for the duration of the 2000s.

But enough about the hapless Knicks. Let’s talk about Gortat. He decided to replace his gremlin – a classic tattoo for high schoolers that bathe in Mountain Dew and wear tank tops with sweatpants in the winter – with a hammer that looks like something you’d find on a mechanic or a strength and conditioning coach. It’s a wonderful symbol of Gortat’s maturation from Dwight Howard understudy to Wall pick-and-roll partner, and all the things he had to clobber along the way.

Gortat debuted the blockish hammer before the 2016-17 season, giving him the strength to start all 82 games for the Wizards and post career-highs in field goal percentage and rebounds per game. The best part of the enormous murder weapon on my man’s shoulder is that the wings of the gremlin are still poking out. Maybe this was a case of shoddy Polish tattoo artistry, or a calculated bit of gamesmanship by Gortat to remind opponents that he will literally crush them. Consider this quote the Polish Hammer gave Sports Illustrated in 2014 regarding the NBA’s handling of player fights:

“You go to an ice hockey game, and the one thing they’re waiting for is a fight, you know what I’m saying? So if they could set it up something like that in the NBA. That if there are two guys and they have a problem, if they could just separate everybody. And these two people that have problem, if they could fight ...
"During the game. Quick, 15-20 seconds, throw few punches, then referees jump in and break this thing up[...] I think that would be a pretty cool idea [chuckles].”

I for one, being a person who values my personal safety to a very high degree, would be terrified of going anywhere near Gortat. He’s listed at 6’11, 240 lbs. and has literally advocated for more physical combat on NBA courts. He exorcised his demons, both tangible and imaginary, by dropping a cartoonish hammer on them. The old, gremlin-adorned Gortat was known for being a lumbering white dude who was not afraid to respond to Brazzers on Twitter. Now, the hammer is a valuable piece on a perennial playoff team who, as his Twitter bio reminds us, is a "military addict and jet ski freak!” That tapping sound you just heard is Vin Diesel frantically writing a role for Gortat in Fast and Furious 11.

Kyle Kuzma’s ðŸ’¯ on his left shoulder
Photo courtesy of Bob Levey/Getty Images

One of my greatest questions about the entire emoji universe is what the 💯 was originally meant to represent. It’s entirely possible that the creators understood society’s fixation with round numbers and figured they had to whip up a replacement for just typing the number 100. But since its debut in 2010, the 💯 has evolved into a physical manifestation of realness, spawning the timeless phrase “keep it one hunnid.” Surely the software developers responsible for the 💯 did not foresee their invention forcing itself into the public lexicon.  

After conducting some very important research, I ended up on Emojipedia, a website devoted to explaining the meaning behind your favorite morsels of internet emotion. According to Emojipedia, the emoji originates from “the number 100 written on a school exam or paper to indicate a perfect score of 100 out of 100.”

In classic internet fashion, the auteur had one school of thought about their work, and their online pupils disregarded it and morphed it into something entirely different. It’s like how your high school English teacher would offer a bunch of reasons for Gatsby throwing those parties and the whole class was like “Nah, pretty sure he just wants to smash Daisy”.

While the meaning of 💯 carries an impermanence that will be shifted and shaped by each future generation, the ink rendering of it on Kyle Kuzma’s left shoulder is super permanent. In looking at old pictures of Kuzma from college, it appears he got the 100 tattoo after being drafted. Perhaps the 22-year-old wanted an everlasting reminder of the draft day trade that sent him and Brook Lopez to the Lakers in exchange for D’Angelo Russell and Timofey Mozgov, one that is worthy of a 💯 grade. Of course, Kuzma has yet to even play a full season in the NBA, and a lot can happen over the course of a basketball life. If, God forbid, his career starts to fall apart in concurrence with Russell’s ascent to All-Star Games and adulation, the tattoo could end up as a classic example of When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong.

Mike Scott’s emojis
Photo courtesy of Zachariah Graves/Twitter


Speaking of emojis, no NBA player, and maybe no person alive, has shown a greater dedication to the art than Mike Scott. The Wizards forward already has a strong claim to being the most interesting man in the NBA even without the sunglasses guy and devil on opposite shoulders, serving as some sort of metaphor for the moral quandaries in his life.

Let’s start with his nickname: The Threegional Manager. This is one of the greatest achievements in league history, and whoever coined this nickname should be inducted to the Hall of Fame yesterday. For those who aren’t following, the man is named Mike Scott, and the regional manager of The Office’s Dunder-Mifflin is named Michael Scott. Basketball Mike Scott is shooting 43 percent on three-pointers this year, making The Threegional Manager an iconic and fitting way to refer to him.

There was also his Grand Theft Auto-style arrest in the summer of 2015. On a July day in Georgia, Scott and his brother were clocked at 98 MPH. Upon pulling over, police discovered that the two gentlemen were holding more than an ounce of weed and nearly 11 grams of MDMA. Our beloved Threegional Manager was facing up to 25 years behind bars, but his case was dismissed due to what Scott’s lawyer said, “could be the worst case of racial profiling I have ever seen”.
 
Those last two paragraphs contain enough interesting anecdotes to fill most people’s lifetimes, but not The Threegional Manager. On top of waking up every day with a new lease on life and a top-flight nickname, he also has literally dozens of emojis all over his body. When wearing a basketball uniform, Scott has roughly 30 emoji tattoos that are exposed to viewers. In 2014, he revealed to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution that he planned to get “all of them” inked on his flesh at some point. In the kind of succinct, forward-thinking communication that suggests upper-management capabilities, The Threegional Manager told Mashable, “I just use emojis a lot when I text. It's me; it's original. People are doing it now, but no one else had it before I started getting into it. I dunno — I guess I started the trend. It's a trend I see now but for sure no one had it when I started.”

In 177 minutes playing with Gortat this season, he and Scott have been a -18 in the points department but a +1,000 in the tattoo department. As the Wizards’ main dish remains tepid and underwhelming, the condiments of Scott and Gortat’s tattoo add some much-needed flavor. Barring a trade or a full-blown star turn for Otto Porter or Kelly Oubre, the Wizards are stuck with their lukewarm, predictable meal containing several ingredients that would be better served with a different combination of seasoning.

Thabo Sefolosha’s “The Game Chose Me”
Photo courtesy of Gene Sweeney Jr./Getty Images


For every thought-out, well-crafted tattoo inhabiting this planet, there are 20 or 30 of these bad boys. I do not know Thabo Sefolosha. I have never met nor spoken to him. But I would guess that he received this tattoo between the ages of 16 and 22, when cliché tattoos that could double as rap lyrics are the most acceptable. Sefolosha is now in his mid-30s, and after suffering a season-ending MCL tear, is quickly approaching washedness. The physical comedy of a below average bench player guarding players 10 years his junior with “The Game Chose Me” on his arm should not be overlooked.

Let’s talk about the actual tattoo for a second. The words frame a basketball wearing a crown, raising an assortment of questions. Is the basketball in this scenario some sort of royal entity? In Sefolosha’s mind, did basketball bestow a great honor on him by making him an NBA player? Or was he pegged for greatness at a young age, and had to fulfill this royal decree to avoid being banished from the kingdom? At some point in his life, did an actual, physical basketball communicate with Sefolosha? Did he get this tat in his native Europe, where he grew up and played professionally for six years? If so, does that mean he had to explain the piece to a tattoo artist in two different languages? How often do other players comment on this when they’re on the court? And finally, why did he think this was a good idea?

I’m just imagining the possible grenades other players could lob at Sefolosha for having this tattoo. “Oh really? The game chose you? To do what, average six points a game and get yammed on? Did the game know you were going to be responsible for one of the worst offensive sequences in league history?”

I’m not here to clown on Sefolosha’s career. Playing 12 seasons and over 700 games in the NBA is no small feat. He’s made an NBA Finals and an All-Defensive team. I respect what he’s done on and off the court. He also just so happens to have a tattoo that I find hilarious. Both things can be true. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have an appointment to get “The Blog Chose Me” tatted on my arm, surrounding a computer wearing a crown.

Dejounte Murray’s mean face
Photo courtesy of Dave Shoemaker/Twitter


This tattoo feels like it was done in a Rainier Beach garage. It’s an artful combination of a childlike idea paired with amateurish execution. The picture resembles a turtle who’s mad because someone stole its shell, or the sketch for a Boondocks villain that never made the show. Murray’s shoulder companion gained notoriety during the 2017 playoffs when he was exposed to a national audience of millions. Twitter militia assembled instantly to offer their thoughts on the tattoo, saying it should be on the NBA ban list, or opining that it looks like a perturbed Charles Barkley.

In a since-deleted Instagram post, Murray offered a simple, unsatisfying explanation for his much-maligned body art. Underneath a picture of said body art, following a string of five laugh-cry emojis, Murray wrote, poetically, “it’s a mean face cause I’m a SAVAGE!!!!!!!” Sure.

Ignoring the specifics of the tattoo or Murray’s personality traits, his basketball abilities are certainly becoming savage. In one of the most low-key savage moves of the season, Murray took Tony Parker’s spot in the Spurs’ starting lineup for a January 21 matchup with Indiana. The second-year point guard has not looked back, averaging 10.8 points, 8.8 rebounds, and nearly two steals in six games since bumping Parker, while dishing over five assists per game. A kid born in 1996 taking a starting job from a Hall of Famer qualifies as a savage move in my book. Moving forward, Murray may want to fire his tattoo artist and perfect his jump shot, while NBA Twitter gears up for a potential playoff matchup of weird tattoos if Murray has to guard Steph Curry this spring.

D’Angelo Russell’s N:0W
Photo courtesy of D'Angelo Russell/Instagram


Imagine being 21 years old with millions of dollars to your name, having spent your entire adult life working in Los Angeles and Brooklyn, but without any need for a wristwatch or even the concept of time altogether. This is the life of D’Angelo Russell, who at some point this season got N:0W tattooed on his shooting shoulder.

The colon separating the first and last two figures, as well as the alarm clock font, tells us that Russell was going for a fake deep way of saying “The time is always now.” You know, because time is an arbitrary human creation to appease society’s desire to quantify everything, just like money, or assists. I’m not sure if this is super corny or super genius, but I know that in regard to his career, Russell is right. The time is now for him to prove that he was worthy of being the No. 2 overall pick in 2015. While fellow top-four picks Karl-Anthony Towns and Kristaps Porzingis made their first All-Star teams this season, and it’s easy to envision a world in which No. 13 pick Devin Booker joins the club soon, Russell languished with injury after a promising 12-game start to his Nets career.

Russell averaged 20.9 points and 5.7 assists per game through the first dozen outings of 2017-18. This stretch included four games with 25 or more points, and a 16-point, 10-assist, seven-rebound night against Atlanta. Then, a knee injury and ensuing arthroscopic surgery sidelined Russell for 32 games, taking nearly half the season from the young lefty.

Luckily, playing for the 2017-18 Brooklyn Nets is an incredibly low-pressure situation, a far cry from the microscope of LA. The remainder of Russell’s season is about staying healthy, regaining the strength and quickness that is zapped by injury, and showing signs of the player that NBA scouts fell in love with. The Nets are home for eight of their next ten games, before embarking on a five-game road trip which sends them from Cleveland to California to Charlotte. While most young players could get tripped up by all those time changes, Russell is light years ahead of his clock-based counterparts. No matter where he is, what city he's headed to next, or whose engagement he’s dissolving, Russell will know for the rest of his life that the time is, indeed, N:0W.

Every tattoo on Nick Young’s right arm
Photo courtesy of @NBCSWarriors/Twitter

One day you’re tweeting this:

One day you’re playing for the best team of a generation, and your right arm is the Swaggy P version of the Sistine Chapel.

Life comes at you fast. 

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