The NBA Bandwagon Guide

Matthew Roberson | @mroberson22

Photo courtesy of SportBlogNYC/Twitter

Is it better to watch sports with a fanatical rooting interest, or as an agnostic observer with no investments or vendettas with any team? The parable is a modern take on the classic, “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” For fans of the Seattle SuperSonics like myself, the question is all too real. I will always cherish my memories of Gary Payton’s immaculately shaved head, Ray Allen’s poetic offensive game, Luke Ridnour’s grit, Rashard Lewis’ over-the-head jumper, and Vladdy. At the same time, I wonder how my opinions of basketball would be different had the Sonics never existed, and if I would have been drawn to the sport in the first place.

The greatest luxury of having your childhood hoops team yanked away by a coffee peddler and an Oklahoman hedge fund manager is that each new season provides an opportunity to gravitate toward new teams. Luckily, the 2017-18 season is stuffed to the gills with fresh, exciting teams and young, joyful players. The purpose of this post is to pin down the teams best suited for bandwagon fandom. I’ve devised a system aimed at perfecting this ranking system. Teams were evaluated based on five categories: potential for long-term success, most electrifying players, amount of suffering, likeability, and jerseys. An ideal bandwagon team has the pieces to contend for years to come, a stable of twentysomething superstars on the rise, years and years of agonizing results that will make their ascent even sweeter, a roster devoid of assholes, and uniforms that are pleasant to look at. I selected six teams that most strike my fancy, then ranked them in those categories on a 1-6 scale, with 1 being the best and 6 being the worst. Then, I added up the numbers and ordered the teams according to their final figure. The lower the final figure, the more comfortable that team’s bandwagon is. You can view my thinking here.

If, like me, you view the NBA with a lens of neutrality for all 30 teams, these words can help turn you into a softcore fan of one of them. Before you know it, you could be overcome with passion, shouting at the top of your lungs about how great basketball can be with an element of love added to it. In other words, you can be Tom Cruise in no time. (Note: Golden State was excluded because they would be the obvious winner here. The Lakers and Celtics were also left out because you don’t just wake up one day and decide to root for the Yankees or Alabama football.) Teams are presented in descending order, from worst choice to best choice.

Los Angeles Clippers

This section needs to come with a disclaimer that choosing to root for the Clippers is like rooting for Bambi’s mom. You need to know what you’re getting into. With that in mind, LA has a lot of ingredients that make for an appetizing bandwagon.

When watching this first installment of the Chris Paul-less Clippers, one of the first things to jump off the screen is the team’s joy. Blake Griffin is calling blouses. Patrick Beverley declared his spot on the First Team All-Defense during the very first game. DeAndre Jordan shouted “Astros, motherfucker” on the sideline after learning Houston had won the World Series. Here’s how I imagine that would have gone down if CP3 were still around.

DeAndre Jordan: “Astros, motherfucker!”

Chris Paul: “You better as-tro me the ball.”

The bandwagon became a little more rickety when Milos Teodosic went down with a foot injury. He was primed to join the pantheon of European guards who deliver passes like Angelina Jolie delivered bullets in Wanted. Alas, our Serbian prince is out of our lives for the next few weeks. Bummer.

The Clippers secured a spot here because of the team’s endless suffering. Back-to-back catastrophes in the second rounds of the 2014 and 2015 playoffs built up enough empathy points for me. As a Seattle Mariners fan, I totally understand an entire fanbase wanting the team to attain one simple goal that other teams around the league would scoff at. Mariner fans just want the team to make the playoffs. Clipper fans just want the team to make the conference finals, something every other Western team besides New Orleans has done (what’s the one thing New Orleans and the Clippers have both had in recent history?). There’s an added wrinkle here where Mariner fans and Clipper fans could overlap if Steve Ballmer ever moves the team north, but I don’t have enough time to speculate about that.

However, even with the immensely improved jerseys and the high-flying acrobatics of Griffin and Jordan, the Clippers don’t have enough to be an elite bandwagon team. While the team is objectively fun, all of the fun guys are 25 or older. This hurts them in the fun category and the long-term success category. To me, this is a likable bunch, but the fact that the Clippers were poster children of flopping and complaining to refs probably tarnishes their likeability to some degree. Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, the Clippers play in Los Angeles. For whatever reason, America’s sports-watching public decided years ago that all LA teams are satanic, and therefore cannot be rooted for. There’s also something that feels off about adapting a niche, quirky bandwagon team that plays in a massive media market. Even the suffering takes a hit when you remember that Clipper fans wake up to sunshine 369 days a year, while Minnesota fans have had to endure 13 years without playoff basketball in subzero temperatures. The Clippers can’t even be the best at misery, which is about the most Clippers statement ever written.

Denver Nuggets

Can I interest you in converting to the church of Nikola Jokic? It’s a delightful congregation, founded on the pillars of ball movement, buzz cuts, and the safer kind of Coke addiction. While the seven-footer gets most of the attention, there are other deities within the religion as well. Sometimes we kneel at the altar and give thanks to Gary Harris, whose instant telekinetic connection with Jokic was a telltale sign of divinity. Completing the holy trinity is Jamal Murray, yet another child to emerge from his Kentucky manger to become a holy man in the hallowed NBA.

Harris, the oldest member of the trio, is a spry 23. Prior to the season Denver snatched Tyler Lydon in the draft and Trey Lyles in a trade, both of whom are still peach fuzzed. Lydon is an impossibly long rookie who shot 39 percent from deep in college. Lyles, who hails from Canada and played college ball at Kentucky, has a similar origin story to Murray, which could point to similar saintliness and a potential to channel some of Murray’s blessed energy. Juancho Hernangomez and Malik Beasley are qualified apostles with outside chances of martyrdom. Now is a wonderful time to dedicate your life to the church.

The pieces seem to be there for long-term success, but Denver is cursed by its ties to the Western Conference. Some of the youth will need to manifest itself into sustained talent for the Nugs to have any chance of crashing the Western Conference Finals soon. The kids are likeable, and seem to feed off each other well. Having grizzled vets Paul Millsap and Richard Jefferson to shepherd the flock is a wonderful bonus, especially with expectations trending upward. Hopping aboard the Nuggets’ bandwagon now is a low-risk move with chances of enormous rewards. While Denver is unlikely to take home a Larry O’Brien Trophy as long as the Warriors’ infrastructure is intact, watching Jokic sling passes on a night-to-night basis can be salvation from the horrors of less offensively-inclined teams.

Photo courtesy of @SerbianHakeem/Twitter

Denver sits in the middle of the bandwagon lot because of a lack of a second early-career player with the All-Star profile that Jokic possesses. While the state of Colorado has never housed a championship, let alone an NBA Finals, the Nuggets’ run of 10 straight playoff seasons from 2003-04 to 2012-13 eases some of the suffering born from the last four years. Even as the team curiously pivots away from powder blue, it has many qualities that are worthy of your faith and devotion. And now, a reading from the sacred text:

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Some will say that is from Isaiah 41:10. I say it’s from Nikola 15&10.

Milwaukee Bucks

For my money, the Bucks have the most likable player in the NBA. He is equal parts terrifying and adorable. I’ve seen him dunk with the ferocity of a great white shark, and dribble with the grace of a ballerina. His legs are as tall as an ostrich’s and his arms do that thing every phone call with your worst aunt do where they get longer right when you think they’re going to end. He is Giannis Antetokounmpo, the one man capable of simultaneously destroying worlds and creating happiness.

Giannis’ rapid transformation from child selling CD’s on the streets of Greece to violent wunderkind to MVP candidate is one of the greatest stories the NBA has seen in years. It seems like just yesterday we were watching with parental pride as Giannis discovered smoothies, or ran to the arena during the dead of Milwaukee winter. Now, he’s slicing throats and taking names 82 times a year, spawning millions of red squiggly lines on Microsoft Word documents all across the world.

The sheer gravitas of the Giannis experience bumps Milwaukee up a few spots in these rankings. His partner-in-crime, Jabari Parker, has struggled to stay on the court due to a litany of leg injuries, shoving Giannis into the do-everything role for the Bucks. His placement in the top 20 of points, rebounds, assists, steals, and blocks per game last season raised eyebrows. His blistering start to this season ripped those eyebrows clean off everyone’s faces. Outside of maybe LeBron, I think Giannis is the player who inspires the most hyperbole. The man is a damn revelation, and should be treated as such. If there were a way to freebase another person, I’d start every day with a big ol’ hit of Antetokounmpo.

While the Greek Freak has the inside track on becoming the best Bucks player since Kareem, he has teammates whose own antlers should be coming in soon. Thon Maker went from hoop mixtape legend to 19-year-old NBA player averaging 14 points per 36 minutes. He was carved from the stone of stretch five rim protection, and buries 42 percent of his corner threes. Thinking about a scenario down the road from now where the Giannis-Jabari-Thon triumvirate battles the Sixers in the East Finals every year is making me woozy. Milwaukee will never, ever be a free agent destination, and the team is becoming too good to land any top-ten draft picks. The young bucks have the keys to the franchise, and they’re coming for blood.

Malcolm Brogdon is fun and good in that he might have been the first rookie ever to reach his ceiling immediately. The point guard out of Virginia entered the league with a graduate-level understanding of basketball, and excels because of smart, heady plays rather than athleticism. I love him for that. I also love that he bottoms a staggering 53 percent of his corner threes, and never has the deer in the headlights look that envelops so many first and second-year players. I adore Matthew Dellavedova for the same reasons, except replace the words smart and heady with courageous and bloodthirsty. I like Jason Kidd for his refusal to abide by society’s rules of wearing a tie and playing by the rules. I hope Milwaukee’s slow start doesn’t cost him his job. The Bucks aren’t synonymous with suffering like the Clippers are, and Milwaukee’s jerseys are whatever, but as long as Giannis is wearing it, the bandwagon is a smooth ride. Climb on in, we’ve got smoothies and pronunciation guides for everyone.

New York Knicks

You know we’ve reached a new era in the NBA when people are buying stock in the New York Knicks. It feels like just yesterday that the Knicks were trading the draft picks that would eventually become LaMarcus Aldridge and Joakim Noah for an out-of-shape Eddy Curry. (Don’t worry, the Knicks made up for it by getting Noah four years after he stopped being useful.) The franchise landed its first capital-S star since Patrick Ewing when Carmelo Anthony put on the blue and orange, but it cost them Danilo Gallinari, Wilson Chandler, and Timofey Mozgov, who were all under the age of 25 at the time of the trade. Their best point guard of my lifetime is Stephon Marbury, who ended up literally getting banned from the team’s games and practices at the end of his Knick tenure. Their best moments of my lifetime are two regular season game-winners.

But, guess what?

*lowers voice to whisper*

The Knicks might be relevant soon.

When you have a seven-foot code breaker like Kristaps Porzingis dropping 30 points and disregarding anyone who threatens to try him at the rim, visions of raucous playoff games at Madison Square Garden start dancing in your head. I mean, look at this. I feel like I need a cigarette after watching that.

Photo courtesy of David Futernick/Twitter

The entire case for the Knicks being on this list starts and ends with Porzingis. Sure, 19-year old French rookie Frank Ntilikina has been impressive on defense and already got into it with LeBron, but he’s at least a year or two away from being the franchise point guard New Yorkers have been clamoring for. Porzingis should be a staple on All-Star teams and scoring lists for the next decade. Other players around the league are certainly aware of this, which could make New York a desirable home for free agents for the first time since Bill Clinton was in office. The 2018 free agent class carries some A-listers (LeBron, Chris Paul, Paul George, DeMarcus Cousins), but also some guys that are more realistic fits and can help the Knicks win now (Trevor Ariza, Avery Bradley, Robert Covington, Brook Lopez, Nerlens Noel, Lou Williams, and New York-native Kemba Walker).

The Knicks somehow being both fun to watch and having an exciting future is uncharted territory. Even when New York was riding Melo and Amar’e Stoudemire to the playoffs, expectations were tempered because of the team’s hard ceiling. The beauty of this team’s youth, and newfound intrigue for free agents, is that anything seems possible. All it took was drafting an unknown string bean from Latvia, ousting Phil Jackson and his archaic offense, and getting rid of the black accents that ruined an otherwise superb jersey.

Minnesota Timberwolves

Gather ‘round, kids. Let me tell you the story of how an NBA team took a top-20 player of all-time – who was in his prime, mind you – and turned it into the longest current playoff drought in the league. When the Timberwolves drafted Kevin Garnett straight out of high school in the 1995 draft, the organization immediately had the vehicle for turning their expansion team into a force to be reckoned with. The Wolves made the playoffs after the 1996-97 season, the second of Garnett’s career and just the eighth year of the Timberwolves’ existence. That marked the first of eight consecutive playoff appearances and showed the world that Kevin Garnett was atop the list of people to never fuck with.

After stacking 58 W’s in 2003-04 and advancing to Minnesota’s first (and only) Western Conference Finals, the Wolves were neutered. They began the next season by posting an underwhelming 25-26 record, leading Flip Saunders to be fired and the team to miss the playoffs. They have not returned since. So what happened?

Sam Cassell and Latrell Sprewell, the second and third bananas to Garnett during the ’04 postseason, moved on to other teams or retired, resulting in Wally Szczerbiak being the second option on the 2005-06 unit. Following the removal of Flip Saunders, the team was coached by Dwane Casey (53-69 record in Minnesota), Randy Wittman (26-75), and Kurt Rambis (32-132). Years of disappointment with no end in sight forced the T-Wolves into trading Garnett, allowing him to pursue the championship he so deserved. From 2007, the first year after Garnett was shipped to Boston, to 2012, the last year David Kahn was president of basketball operations, the team made some historically awful draft night decisions.

2007: Selected Corey Brewer at No. 7 overall, two picks before his college teammate Joakim Noah

2008: Selected O.J. Mayo at No. 3 overall (who they traded for Kevin Love), not a bad move, but they could have had Russell Westbrook with the No. 4 pick

2009: Selected Jonny Flynn at No. 6 overall, passing on Stephen Curry, DeMar DeRozan, and Jrue Holiday

2010: Selected Wesley Johnson at No. 4 overall, one pick before DeMarcus Cousins and five before Gordon Hayward and Paul George were taken with back-to-back picks

2011: Selected Derrick Williams at No. 2 overall, the next three picks were Enes Kanter, Tristan Thompson, and Jonas Valanciunas (Kemba Walker, Klay Thompson, and Kawhi Leonard all went between picks 9-15)

2012: Gave up their first-round pick SEVEN YEARS prior in the trade that sent Cassell to the Clippers and netted them Marko Jaric, Jamal Davis, and Lionel Chalmers (one of those guys is made up, try to guess who)

Once Kahn’s rein of incompetence concluded, Minnesota got back to being a team that made actual sense. The next four drafts sent players to Minnesota that are still helping the team today (Shabazz Muhammad, Karl-Anthony Towns), or were traded for Jimmy Butler (Zach LaVine, Kris Dunn). These are all good things. Tom Thibodeau roaming the sideline is a good thing. Adding veterans Jeff Teague, Jamal Crawford, and Taj Gibson are all good things. It’s important to put things as simply as possible here, because for the better part of a decade the Timberwolves were not doing good things.

It cannot be overstated how bad the post-KG era has been to Minnesota basketball fans. These are, presumably, the same people who had to live through the Randy Moss trade, the Twins losing to the Yankees five times in the playoffs, the Brent Burns trade, the Brett Favre NFC Championship interception, the Wild’s Stanley Cup Finals drought, the Blair Walsh game, and Prince’s death. The people of Minnesota deserve this team, the NBA deserves this team, and so do you. Let the suffering cease, and let the Wolves’ revival commence, led by KAT, Jimmy Buckets, and Cornrow Wiggins.

Philadelphia 76ers

Photo courtesy of Jeff Skversky/Twitter

This whole thing was a crescendo building toward a Joel Embiid-sized finish. There is no other answer to this question other than the Sixers. If you want to adopt a bandwagon team that will provide endless fun for at least the next three or four years, incubate young players who have a real chance of changing the way NBA players are developed and evaluated, and has a window of opportunity that looks less and less smudged with each Embiid 30-piece and Ben Simmons triple-double, all while clad in fresh jerseys, then you should move to Philadelphia yesterday.

It's pretty amazing to think that Philly made the first overall pick in the most recent draft, had that player appear in just four games before his bizarre injury saga took over, and has avoided being completely shrouded in negativity. Without context, the 76ers’ 8-6 record may not seem like much. That’s just two more losses than wins. But consider that Brett Brown’s team stumbled to an 0-3 start to its season. Remember that the blue chipper they grabbed with the No. 3 overall pick three years ago basically doesn’t play for them anymore. Crunch some numbers and realize that the average age of a Sixers starter is just a hair over 25 years old. Take into account that they could have had any player they wanted from the 2017 draft class, and the guy they deemed to a better choice than literally anyone else has contributed a total of 24 points all season.

In a vacuum, those things seem as though they could be a harmful concoction for a group that served as the league’s punching bag for quite some time. Eventually, you have to imagine that the psyche of some of these dudes was damaged as the losses piled up during the Hinkie years. Taking back-to-back-to-back L’s to open what was supposed to be their breakthrough season, then having their prized rookie hit the shelf could have fired off the “here we go again” signals in the Sixers’ brain.

Instead, Simmons put a triple-double on the Pistons in his fourth career game, Embiid went 11-for-15 from the field, and the kiddos had their first positive result of the 2017 season. A five-game winning streak came shortly after, and before you knew it, the Sixers were two wins away from matching their win total for the entire 2015-16 season. The playoffs have gone from a pipe dream to a fun idea to a real likelihood in the blink of an eye. We get to digest it all in real time, and have our involvement enhanced by Embiid’s tweets. This is a new dawn for the entire Philadelphia basketball experience, which has become the most fun, exciting thing happening in the NBA. To be a fly on the wall in Embiid’s DMs…